


an ill-conceived plan

by terrigenesis



Category: Marvel Ultimates
Genre: Gen, One use of a swear, Set in some nebulous point pre-Catalycsm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:45:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1473610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terrigenesis/pseuds/terrigenesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve interviews Clint's potential dates... or tries to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	an ill-conceived plan

**Author's Note:**

> This basically came out of a conversation I had with friends in which the question 'what if the Ultimates tried to get Clint laid?' was asked. We agreed that it would be Tony's idea and Steve sees enough merit in it that he decides to supervise because he doesn't trust them.

Steve had no idea how it had come to this. He’d look to Clint for help, but he just looked bemused by the whole thing.

That bastard. This whole mess might as well be his fault.

Steve frowned and straightened the papers in front of him before looking up at their… _candidate_ , for lack of a better word. She was blonde with a short bob, tall and that was as far as Steve could go with compliments. Her face was also the only unblemished part of her skin, the rest of her was covered in tattoos. Steve resolutely kept his gaze fixated on her face so he couldn’t see if they had some sort of pagan meaning. Considering who had pointed her their way, he couldn’t discount the possibility.

“I see you have quite the criminal record.”

The look she shot at him would have withered a lesser man and he saw Clint wince in his peripheral vision. However he wasn’t going to let some weirdo hippie push him around.

“I’m hardly going to sit around while corporations poison the environment. You guys do good work, I’ll give you that, but you’re not where you’re really needed. It’s why Thor thought it was a good idea to have someone else around who’d be willing to advocate for the same thing as him.”

He was not having another person try to indoctrinate his team to follow their agenda.

_Next!_

\---

Tony looked far too pleased with himself and it was sending alarm bells ringing. On the plus side, he hadn’t brought anyone with him so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He handed a tablet to Clint and then hopped onto the table to peer over the screen with him.

“You can have it listed alphabetically, gender or by occupation and even organise it further. For example, you can divide the actors by Oscar winners.”

He did know a lot of people…

"Oh, she’s great if you like getting tied up.”

Clint paused and stared warily at Tony. “Is this your ‘black book’?” He wouldn't— Tony waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t be so crass I do have business contacts in there, but you are currently looking at the filter for everyone I remember sleeping with and still keep in contact with. How else can I make a recommendation?”

And this was why he ignored everything that came out of that man’s mouth. Steve stood up and slammed a hand on the table.

_"Get out!"_

\---

Monica was not someone he expected to walk through those doors considering she’d already shared her very scathing opinion on this already, but before he could say something Clint already had his hand up.

“I’m flattered, but I don’t think—“

“Go fuck yourself, I’m not here for your ‘who wants to date Clint Barton’ show. We’ve got actual work to do, Hulk’s escaped.”

Neither of them wasted any time as they rushed out.

It wasn’t until the room was empty that Nick walked in and pocketed the pile of papers that contained Steve’s handwritten notes. There was no way he was going to let those fools ruin his best shooter. The damage caused by the Hulk escaping was considered more acceptable than the potential fallout from this stunt.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware that Thor's hippie credentials haven't made an appearance in a very long time, but I'd like to believe it's still there.


End file.
